Do You Have A Prickly Kind Of Love?

Here you go ladies, my precious wife invites you to sit under the Umbrella Of Mercy with her and talk about your marriage.

How does your husband drive you crazy?  Does your husband forget where dirty clothes go? Is he late home for family dinner?  Does he open two of the same thing?   Does he pile items on the just cleaned counter or track mud inside the house?  I get it, they can be like having another child in the house but listen up ladies, I am going to ask you how you respond to those things.  Did you read the book called “Don’t sweat the small stuff… and it’s all small stuff” by Richard Carlson (1997)?  Perhaps you have seen the Disney movie “Frozen” where the hit song was “Let It Go”.  Stay with me, I have a point.

On this topic the first word that comes to mind is perspective.  I think we all can get caught up in our selfishness and what our spouse does and does not do that creates bitterness within us then changes our perspective.   No matter big or small, it can create division in the unity Scott spoke about in our previous blog posts.  For example, family dinners are important to many people so if your husband is late home, do you attack him for being late or do you greet him with love, compassion and care that he has worked so hard to provide for your family?   Perhaps he is late for a reason that needs to be processed and discussed - an accident on the way home or a difficult client at work perhaps?  It matters how you approach your husband and your perspective will determine that approach.  It is important that our husbands feel safe and we set the tone for what they walk into (Proverbs 31: 11-12).  “We forget that life isn’t as bad as we’re making it out to be. We also forget that when we’re blowing things out of proportion, we are the ones doing the blowing.” Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff (Page 147)

In our previous post, Scott took Ephesians 5:22-33 and broke it apart.  I would highly recommend reading that portion of Scripture or even visiting our previous blog post.  For the purpose of this post, I’ll reference just certain verses of the above mentioned scripture (using the ESV version).  Verses 22 through 24 read: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”  Then moving down to verse 33, it reads: “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Before you store up some angst towards me, submission may not mean what you think it means.   I appreciate how GotQuestions.org explains submission:  “What does a submissive wife look like? Not what you might think. The Bible teaches that Jesus submits to His Father (John 5:19). Yet Jesus is equal to the Father (John 10:30). Therefore, a submissive wife is not less valuable as a human being; her role is not less important—but it is different. Christians know that Christ is every bit as divine as the Father (and the Holy Spirit), but each plays a different role in redemption. In the same way, men and women each play a different part in marriage. So, for a wife to be submissive to her husband as Christ is submissive to the Father means she willingly allows her husband to lead.”

Another way we can set the tone and respond is to realize our husbands need more encouragement than nagging.  There I said it.  I can see some of you rolling your eyes and maybe some of you are thinking “she hasn’t met my husband”.  You are right, I haven’t but I understand that our perspective as I mentioned above can help us approach issues differently.  “When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical.” Richard Carlson, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff (Page 123). When is the last time you thanked your husband for something he did?  Are you kinder to strangers than you are to your spouse?  You may have the opinion, why should I thank my husband for working or cooking part of a meal or running errands with me or spending time with the children so I sleep or put my focus on another project?  Shouldn’t he do those things without being thanked?  Let me answer a question with another question.  How do you feel when you are thanked for doing something ordinary, mundane or expected.  Does it make you feel appreciated, encouraged and perhaps even lighten your emotional load, even if it’s temporary?   Ephesians 4:29  says “ Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” and Proverbs 21:9 reads “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.”  Whoa!

My desire is to be a Proverbs 31 woman and to respect my husband to honor my Savior.  Some days are easier than others but I see it as encouragement for what we as women, wives and mothers bring into our marriage and family.  Proverbs 31 has some very specific calls to action, here are some of my favorites:  We are precious (v 10), our husbands should be able to trust us (v 11), we aren’t to harm our husbands (v 12), we work and have so much talent to bring (V 13-17) and it goes on. Ladies, have you read Proverbs 31 recently?  If not, I encourage you to do so.  Speak it out loud over yourself and allow the words to lift you up and also drive you to honor and respect your husband!   Respecting our husbands is something we should do out of obedience to our Lord (Ephesians 5:33).  I truly believe if we focus on honoring and respecting our husbands, it sets the tone for the marriage and the household.

Let’s discuss one more thing that may be hard to hear for us ladies.  “For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” 1 Corinthians 7:4 (ESV).  Do you withhold intimacy from your husband?  Do you tell him no, that you have a headache or that you are not in the mood when he is?  Did you know that it is showing respect and honor to our husbands to not withhold our bodies?  Let me pause and tell you, this is different if you are actively in an abusive relationship.  If you are, please seek help or reach out and we can provide some resources.  I am referring to men who are seeking to honor the Lord and walk in His truth.

In closing, I read something somewhere that said (I am paraphrasing here) respecting your husband is calling him up to his potential, encouraging him to be the man God has called him to be and believing in him.  I want to be that wife.  I know I don’t always treat Scott this way, sometimes I am harsh and overly critical of him.  Quite frankly, he shoves things in drawers and cupboards to help me straighten up then can’t remember where he puts things.  Seriously?  You touched it less than 24 hours…..okay, thank you honey for helping me declutter before our friends got here.  Let’s encourage each other to be Godly wives!

Ladies, I would appreciate your feedback. Also, if you would like support respecting and honoring your husband, don’t hesitate to reach out.  I am far from perfect but would be happy to encourage you and provide some additional advice if I can.

In Him,

Jen