Umbrella of Mercy

Umbrella of Mercy

Scott, what is the Umbrella of Mercy, what does that mean, what is it about?

I am glad you asked.

It is a tool.

It is an environment.

It is a mindset.

I don’t need to spend any time on defining umbrella for you. Just understand that it is a visual representation of a covered place, a private place, a place that blocks out distraction, pressures, and noise. The umbrella creates a place where you and others can be fully present with each other. How often have you been misunderstood? How often have you been hurt by words and actions of other people? How often have you wanted to say something hard to someone, but didn’t? How often have you had a need that went unmet? How often have you wanted to understand the thinking or motivation of someone around you? And the hard question, how often have you been the source of these feelings in others? The umbrella creates a space for these often tough issues to be addressed.

Mercy. There are several definitions of mercy, but the underlying tenet of the word is that it is something good that is given and is undeserved. The definition from Webster includes the following, “forbearance to inflict harm under circumstances of provocation, when one has the power to inflict it; compassionate treatment of an offender or adversary; clemency.” As a Christian I understand that this is what God offers us through His Son, Jesus. It is at the core of the sacrifice He made on the cross for us. He accepted punishment we deserve for our sin and replaced it with His grace and holiness without us earning or deserving it. Mercy. It is also the ultimate display of self control and power. When you have the power and the right to punish or destroy another and you choose not to you extend mercy. Quite frankly, in our broken world is something that is needed more and more for ourselves and others. Mercy is the only way that us naturally selfish, desperate and broken people can have good relationships.

So, under the umbrella of mercy you choose to put down your rights, your defenses and even your justification, and you invite the others with you to do the same. There is no room for ego, unforgiveness, disrespect or attacking under the umbrella. Once everyone adopts this mindset an environment is created where people can openly explain their hurt, their motivations, their expectations and find solutions to miscommunication and interpersonal issues. By inviting someone to sit under the umbrella of mercy you are telling them that you want to talk about something hard, but not in a harsh way, not in a way that will allow you to “win” and argument, but in a way that says “I want to hear your perspective, I want us both to win and move forward.”

Okay, open, transparent and vulnerable example time. Just this last week I hurt my precious wife’s feelings. I know you are shocked, but I did. To begin you need to understand that Jen and I do not keep any secrets from each other, she knows all of my passwords for all of our tech and I know hers so it is easy to be accountable and see everything we are doing. That being said, I did something that made her feel like I betrayed her. With out all of the gory details I had deleted some texts between my daughter and I. Jen felt like we were sneaking behind her back and talking bad about her. When she first confronted me about it my first reaction was to defend my decision. I knew why I did what I did and it made sense to me. I was so busy justifying that I completely ignored how it made her feel. My dismissal of her feelings compounded her hurt. Needless to say it was a long day at work with nonproductive texting. Things changed when I got home. We decided to sit down and talk, under the umbrella of mercy. It wasn’t until I set down my defenses, my justification and my self righteousness that I could begin to understand her feelings. When I did we began talk on an authentic level where we were able to exchange feelings, ideas, truth and forgiveness without attacks. Something that could have lead to days of estrangement, cold shoulders and mistrust was addressed and put away as resolved with a plan on how to act and speak in the future. The umbrella works, if you use it, without it you will continue to be drenched by misunderstanding and conflict.

You can use the umbrella in all of your relationships. Once you share the basic rules of respect, no defensiveness, fidelity, and no attacking you can ask people to join you under it. We have called Umbrella of Mercy meeting for family check ins and conflict resolution. We have used it with friends if we needed to speak about hurt feelings or misunderstanding. I have used it to give feedback to guys who have worked in construction with me. It has been an effective tool in my belt for communication. I know it can be the same for you. If you have any questions on the idea of or application of Umbrella of Mercy I would love to answer them, just reach out.

In closing I want to talk about the Umbrella of Mercy as a mindset. This is where it has the potential to change all of your relationships without calling special meetings under the umbrella. Imagine if you approached people without judgement, without defending your position, without attacking or retaliating. Could you solve conflict easier if you led a conversation with, “Help me understand your feelings, I want to listen.” or “Hey, I understand that what I said or did offended you, tell me how that made you feel.” or “How could I have responded or behaved in a way that would have helped and not harmed?” or “What can I do going forward to communicate in a way that doesn’t offend you?” If you are the one who is hurt perhaps an approach with a non attacking tone, “Hey, I need you to know that when you did “X” I felt attacked or disrespected, can you tell me if you meant to hurt me.” The most important thing is having a non defensive attitude, a willingness to listen and a heart that wants connection and healing.

Don’t forget. every morning that you wake up an Umbrella of Mercy is extended to you. Every day is a gift from our Father. Even in the hardest of times we can choose how to respond, we can choose our attitude, we can choose what to place our sight on, we can choose to operate on the defense, we can choose to be bitter and protect ourselves and blame others, we can choose to attack, retaliate or shun. Or, we can choose mercy, we can withhold judgement, we can withhold aggression, we can choose to let go of offense and retribution, even if we have a right to it. Choose to show your power, choose to show your control, extend an Umbrella of Mercy to those around you. Live and love deeply, intentionally and hold back the storms of life and drama with your umbrella.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23 (ESV)